Boys will be boys. They love the chase. So, are you supposed to play hard-to-get? A courtship is supposed to be fun, and often it can feel like a game. Fun, exciting, frustrating and confusing all wrapped up in one ball of: who’s move is it next?
The truth of the matter is: love and your every step towards finding it, while important, should not consume you, body and soul. If all you think about is “him” or “her” – get a goal. That’s right I said it. Get a goal, grab some aspiration, focus on bettering yourself, and fill the voids in your life with what you have control over. You can never control another person’s interests, behavior or heart. And trying to do so will drive you crazy, waste your precious time, and exhaust the crap out of you.
Ok, so… you text him and he is not texting you back. What should you do? Well, what is the truth? Listen, if a guy is interested…and I mean truly interested, you will hear back. Be patient. No need to feel thirsty, desperate, or slighted. You have to find a balance in your own mind about how to deal with things when you do not receive the attention or response you are looking for from a relationship. We live in a world where new relationships are built upon: (in order of importance) physical time spent together, video calls, phone conversation, emails and now…text messages. Why is text messaging at the bottom of this list? Because texting has no voice. Messages can be misconstrued…they are often short, have no tone and are not the best way to really get to know the person you are dating. On the other hand, it can also be quite telling. Let me explain.
If you have sent a text to a guy and he is not texting you back. Don’t text him again. He got your first message. I promise he saw it. A day passes… what now? If it is an important question you need an answer to, you can text him JUST ONCE MORE. Say something like, “hey there, hope everything is ok with you, just wanted to check in and see if you got my text”. Instead of coming at him in a combative way, be concerned and don’t assume the worst right away. If you do assume the worst right away, you should work on having patience, work on your self-esteem, or work on your temper (if you are really getting pissed). He could be having a problem… is busy…scared to answer… doesn’t want to lie and so no answer is better than the wrong answer…is a bad communicator…or likes to play games. Whatever the case – don’t chase. If he really cares, he will reach back out to you and at that point, you have a GOLDEN opportunity.
Evaluate the response. Was it thoughtful? Did it answer the last question you asked? Is he trying to dodge your original question? Did he do the mature thing and apologize for not responding and then proceed with whatever he had to say? Ladies, this is where the power in the relationship shifts. How quickly you respond back or forgive him for not responding when he should have, will teach him something about YOU. So…THINK and then respond. Or THINK and don’t respond. Sometimes guys need a dose of their own medicine. The worst thing you can do is text him right away if has been ignoring/ducking you (unless of course his reason had something to do with his health, family problem, or something that warrants his silence).
Ideally: you shouldn’t be chasing him and he shouldn’t be chasing you… together you guys should be dancing, playing tennis, be in a place where you are equally interested and responsive. In an awesome and healthy courtship, these silly details of ‘who should text who’ and ‘why you haven’t received a response’ are inconsequential. In a healthy relationship where two people have built a mutual respect for one another and a mutual understanding of who they are dating, there are less questions, less insecurities, and more of a thing that is sits at the core of your problem: A LACK OF TRUST.
As I always say at the end of my articles, if you heed my word, I wish you the best of luck in forming amazing bonds with many friends that could potentially last a lifetime and perhaps one day even turn into ever-lasting love with a special someone. And for those of you, who either think they know better, cannot grasp what you have just read, or would rather just “do you”. Well, I would just say relationships start with trust and often end due to a lack of it. And if the person you are dating has contributed to your feelings of insecurity and have given you a reason (or multiple reasons) to not to trust him or her… the only person you should be frustrated with is: yourself. There is enough stress out there in the world and the person you are with or are trying to be with, should be the one place you go to feel safe, stress-free, and at peace. Real talk.