Alright ladies – I am about to drop some knowledge on you!
That’s right – I am going to give you the inside scoop about love, sex and the SECRET to having the highest success rate when it comes to having a long-term relationship with someone…and doing your best to prevent heart break along the way.
Why do relationships not work out? Why do hearts get broken all the time? Why are we disappointed or sad when a guy doesn’t call you back, treat you the way you think they should, or respond the way you expect them to? Not in every case, but in most cases, it is because of one very important thing: you did not get to know the person well enough personally, before you let them in emotionally or physically.
In a nutshell, the most successful relationships, whether you are in college, in your 20’s, 30’s, 40’s etc. are the ones that start with friendship. Some of you are rolling your eyes and are thinking to yourself, ok this article is about to get really boring because my mom is about to preach. Before you stop reading, let me tell you something…there is a reason why friendship is so important – it’s all about “the investment”. Let me explain.
When you first meet a guy, chances are they are putting their best foot forward. They are saying and doing things to impress you, get you interested, and quite frankly: get you in bed. (Not every guy in the world, but many – enough to make this generalization.). Sorry guys, no offense, but you know it’s true.
Guys are physical creatures, and it is not an understatement to say that many of them are looking for JUST a physical encounter (no matter what comes out of their mouth to the contrary). There is a disconnect between their heart and their dingaling. Girls are emotional creatures and no matter how much you deny it or try to prevent it, once a physical relationship starts, the heart is at risk.
Trust me – if you truly “get” this point, you will save yourself from a bunch of heartache and from making many mistakes that you will eventually regret.
The Investment – Let me tell you why friendship is so important. The gap between a guy’s heart and his dingaling can be closed by friendship. If you have spent time with someone and have built a friendship – you are both “invested”. When two people are invested in one another, meaning: they have taken time to get to know one other, learn about each other, be there for one another, go through a few things together and form some type of bond…there is something at stake versus nothing. Before you can get to love, you have to get to caring. And the likelihood of someone hurting your feelings is decreased if they care about you. In Justin Beiber’s words, a guy needs to be: “missing more than just your body” if you want to be the one they can’t seem to do without. They have to feel like without your presence or your friendship, something is missing in their life.
I cannot tell you how many friends of mine (in their 20s, 30s and 40s) call me up and are annoyed at something that is going on in their new relationship. Either they have found out things about the guy’s personality, or the decisions he makes, or their interaction, that they don’t like and question why they ever got into that relationship in the first place. My first question is how long have you been dating: the answer is always: “not long”. My next response is: why did you hook-up with him so fast? And all I hear at the other end of the phone is a sigh followed by silence. If she had just waited and formed something meaningful with the guy, she could have spared herself the heartache. Many times, SO MUCH NONSENSE can be avoided if you just wait. But once you are “in it” and in some sort of an intimate or passionate relationship with this person, it’s too late. You are already “invested” — whether you like it or not.
Why is being invested too early a problem? The problem is: after you have stepped past friendship and into the intimate stage with someone… your vision gets blurry. Now ladies, I promise you your judgement gets better with time, experience and age. However, when you first meet someone, you are in the BEST position to make the WISEST decisions about that person because you can SEE CLEARLY. Once you have crossed the line of friendship to something more, your decisions are tainted because emotions are involved.
The Takeaway: Keep your legs closed + your eyes & ears opened = less heartache.
It’s common sense, I know. But it’s also hard. I know it is. Your hormones are raging. All your friends are getting “boo’d up”. And you’re lonely. I get it. I do. But remember. It is always better being lonely, than it is being heartbroken. For those of you that heed my word, I wish you the best of luck in protecting your heart long enough to one day give it away to the one who has proven himself worthy. And for those of you, who either think they know better, cannot grasp what you have just read, or would rather just “do you”. Well, I would just say be careful. And please stop wondering why things don’t work out for you.
By: Dear Miss Penny